June and I  went out to lunch - dressed as parakeets.  Although, I had to come back in the afternoon to form one third of a Stonehenge trilithon (whispered conversation went across the top).  The evening went slowly as I painfully pulled myself into a wine bottle bobbing on the surface of the sea.  Eventually I would need a cork and June would need a corkscrew.

A day in the garden, smoke issuing from the bonfire on my shoulder.  We met the unicorns that have moved in next door.  They seem a nice family.  June then prepared a stew from lumps of ancient concrete and debris from moon landings while I mowed the lawn on the windowsill

Back to a more normal routine:  I sailed off in search of a golden sheep in an old pram with sleeping bag for a sail.  I came back by a parachute I found in my ancestor's cave.  The old seer was well and laughed at my jokes (often before I even said them).

I was held in the two cathedrals of work for all of the day and most of the evening - the bats hung from the rafters and moved their heads as the beggars came in.  It was quiet and the people who stayed still turned into trees.

I was able to get into the mirrored room earlier today - not early enough, as I missed seeing a herd of American bison move through at dawn - the dust still hadn't settled when I picked up my brush; although it was turning red, white and blue.

A day on the ice cap (the first of the year).  It was so hot I nearly melted - June, my wife, likes to walk around as Cleopatra so we keep the house in desert conditions - I alternated between being a palm tree and one of the pyramids at Giza.

June went out early to work for the medicine man.  I decided to wrap myself in cellophane and walked to work casting ethereal shadows. Later in the day I invented a water container that doubled as a top hat and bought some stamps.

When I (finally) burst out of the top of the old wedding cake I found it was a cold, dank and dismal day.  I tried to be industrious but the rope ladder I had to cling to while working in the sacred groves suddenly snapped and I landed with a bump in the old bass drum which we had kept in the shed.  When I came round all I had for company was a toad.

A day, during which I invented the perfect corkscrew.  I envisaged this turning for eternity while the universe cooled.  I had to make a race track in my studio but came last in the race.

A frustrating day hanging from the ceiling light watching myself painting.  Apparently, I kept getting up and walking round the family totem pole.  This one had squat women all the way up and a Friesian cow on top (holding an umbrella as it was spitting with rain).

I was active in both arenas today (I had to get up early too! - I had to escort the wagon train through the canyon while the arrows whistled like television aerials).  I fought wild animals in the day time and Christians at night.  I cleaned all ten green bottles before knocking them off.

Home all day; I kept watch over the remnants of the keep while the armies marched down the valley.  I tried to visualise this valley before a road was drawn all the way along it's length.  I was shaken from this reverie when a gash in the ground yawned.

I had an early start; I jumped on my horse's back at 7 am!  I went to the medieval lands, where the minstrel still hadn't finished his song.  I gathered up flower petals to give to the girl inside my bag.  We made plans for the flower garden while sparrows foraged for silver seeds.  I came home with golden eggs.

I had two heads today and spent most of it on a play mat where people throw furry balls at moving targets.  I was able to catch the ones with chocolates inside.  I then felt sure enough to go on parade with a serene expression on my face.  All the while, the famous general that lives under my hat was furiously working on plans that I will never be able to bring to fruition.

Went to the woods in my gorilla suit.  I was part of a team of undercover animals who were given odd jobs for the day.  One of our tasks was cutting down two large trees which had been spotted as the meeting place - who met there we never knew.  We also removed all the love notes from a field of young trees.  We left before they discovered they had gone.

I woke, slightly later than planned, to discover that during the night I had been accidentally screwed into the wall. When I unscrewed myself I looked round the room holding my screwdriver and then made a shelf for birds to sit on.  I pulled back the curtain while a white rabbit came out of the hat and a black one replaced it.

I jumped out of bed and rushed to town without shoes; June did not have any either.  I put several small pebbles into my pocket before I came home wearing someone else's clothes.  I had to give the package to my wife.

The boiler blew up today!  Steam issued from the top and spread across the kitchen, partially obscuring a wood nymph who was nonchalantly leaning against the cupboard.  We are planning to get real wood furniture and I was getting advice from an expert.

For a brief spell early in the morning the bed, and to a lesser extent it's environs, became a primeval plain where great beasts roamed.  It took me a very long time to clean up the mess.  Since Thursday our only source of hot water was the kettle - today it broke!  I had to sail to a distant island - with black coloured sail - to get a new one.

I had a frustrating time not being able to settle to work in my studio.  This is partly because I have suddenly chains instead of hair and partly because of the sprite that climbed out of a box I found in the fields.  It will teach me not to bring strange things home.  I should have been suspicious when a cloud followed us all the way back.

I went to a  party dressed as chest of drawers (June was hidden in a shoe box).  I was searched for family heirlooms but the only thing found was a bottle of water.  The day ended with my wet secrets all over the living room floor and June having to crawl into her shoe to hop home.

A day in the magic garden, I buried the answer to the question I will never ask before coming indoors as Alexander the Great.  As an exercise in plastic living, we all snuggled up into a crisp packet for the night.

I worked at the spinning wheel most of the day. On visiting the market I met an old crone who could tell fortunes and read the runes I had discovered in my breakfast cereal.  I had to go out in the evening.  I dressed in the old cardboard boxes I had found in a skip.

I rushed to work on a winged rocking horse.  I didn't have time to invent magicians - however, I interviewed myself as Houdini when I walked home.  Later that evening we all eagerly awaited the girl with an axe in her handbag.

I made a maze in my mind but managed to find the centre for a picnic with my wife at noon.  It then took all afternoon to get out.  The evening was spent in a witch's cauldron waiting for hair of bat and eye of toad to be tossed in on top of the vegetables.

A dry wine day.  However, I was able to work in the Arthurian lake, which by mid afternoon had become a huge unblinking eye.  I swam in it (even though I can't swim), reciting abstruse verses.  I had a dessert wine evening.

Out early to take a wagon train to the Good Lands, I met the old gladiator.  The middle of the day was spent in a soufflé.  I rendezvoused with myself in the evening and between us we made plans to meet a representative of the ancient fish people.

I was out all day.  While out I wrote a drunken song and then walked straight along it to the final chorus.  My footprints became an orchestra and the sober passers-by sang along - going in reverse until they reached the beginning. When I got home, June had a pill box in her lap and I became a prisoner of war.

June has given up smoking - she has old railway posters on her arms.   Tiny doves rise from her head dress while she reads from a book backwards.  I offer her a bookmark with a galloping horse on it.  Apart from finding an old Hoover, once used by dwarves, today was not especially productive.

After painting the Coliseum all day I went to the bull ring to clean bottles, making rows of little soldiers to bury with the Emperor.  The joker came in and they walked like cards.  At the end of the day I opened a can of sleep and hung curtains over the paintings on the bedroom walls so they could not see.

I danced in the rain to the council offices, where I complained about the Earth's spin and the fact that someone had put a working model of the Titanic in our dustbin.  I then ran all the way back singing sewing machine songs at the top of my voice.  It wasn't a good evening as I spent most of it chasing squirrels up and down the tree that we had recently planted in front of the fire in the living room

The town was quiet, with only a column of army ants in evidence.  I picked up a lollipop and helped them across the road.  I saw a burning crucifix through the cloud over my head.  The evening, spent in a racing car, was better than some this year and I managed to polish the eye that never blinks.

I stepped into my studio like Dr Who and painted a landscape on the inside of my briefcase.  Birds will sing every time files are put inside.  The evening was spent in a solitary dance - outside a drummer slowly emerged through a wall and the young girls shook hot fat from their hands.

I finally sat down in front of my easel at 12 noon.  By then it was tired of standing and it sat down in front of me at five past.  We finally reached an agreement and I completed my painting in time to race Poppy to the Martian fields behind the nursing home.  I moved the windows and polished the wall while the faces stayed transfixed.

I opened the curtains and a column of clouds marched by.  The rest of the day walked by with me working alone in my studio.  I was painting holes in the ground which I would have to fill in when the paint has dried.  I went to the diamond mine during the evening in an attempt to sparkle.

The day was occupied with painting voices in a landscape.  Even though I mixed the paint carefully I could never work out what they were saying.  In the medieval afternoon I found a funeral behind a postage stamp.

I got up tired and wearing my second head. However, I did have enough energy to salute the lone piper as he marched round the house at cloud height.  My wife waved as I simultaneously lifted two hats (and a stray polecat ran up my arm).

The day was spent out and in remembrance of lost friends.  When I finally found my way home I was slightly alarmed to find that I was resembling an electricity pylon, having mentioned in passing that I wanted to become part of the National Grid.  I got home and resigned myself to being a lighthouse.

I sat down and my wife discovered a CD player in the top of my head.  One of our pet  fairies was getting ready to pirouette on the disc in memory of The Rake's Progress by Hogarth.  I originally discovered the fairies under the bed when I was searching for aliens. 

I spent the day sat in my studio pretending it was a tropical beach.  I painted palm tree people astride fiddler crab buggies.  Towards the end of the day I had a long conversation with a head that suddenly appeared out of the kitchen cabinet.

I went out early to get beds for the cats.  They both wanted four posters.  The clouds resembled mountains from which people would throw themselves off.  Later, I had to go to the funeral of an extremely good person.

I arose out of the floor like a mechanical tortoise.  I worked all day in the reptile shop, breaking off to remove the banners from the tank traps.  I was stuck all evening in a wine glass.  The sea god came closer.

I had a morning to myself and walked by the Transylvanian railway line;  I was just going to toss a coin when an old train with Pullman coaches flashed by.  All the occupants were dressed in the clothes of the 1930's.  I counted smoke rings and took a match from a box marked Prometheseus.

I had to go to town early in the morning.  I came back with my dog Poppy  tucked into the fish bowl which I was balancing on my little finger.  I dropped a couple of 78s in the bowl like Alka-Seltzer in a glass.  The kittens looked on with blithe expressions and the dog learnt the fox trot.

I spent the day in a flying saucer among potato heads and the legendary leek legions.  I made friends with the clock man and we held hands as he slowly faded away.  My wife rolled herself up in a carpet.

I was out all day, first as a tooth in a giant mouth and later as a tear from a large eye.  I came home when the eye closed.  Several white unicorns guarded the front door.  I closed it as quietly as I could but wings still grew from the side of my head.

I pulled myself out of an envelope as the paper man - I had to be careful to keep away from naked flames (all the candles wore clothes).  I worked in a box on stilts until the bell cord was pulled and I came down as a plastic aeroplane - followed by the moth man and the porthole queen.

I went out with a model of the Mayflower on my back.  The master mariner gave me supplies and directions.  After a long journey back in time I hid in my cave wearing Neantherdal clothes until the evening when I rode out on a woolly rhinoceros.

Most of the day I was standing on a sword blade overseeing the pixie dance.  The young girls jumped and produced black rabbits from white hats.  As the magician I swept the floor in the evening, coming home with the remnants of the day in a sack.

I took the magic bubble to the woods, all the hat people congregated round the piles of dog bone wood.  I picked up a bone and threw it.  As no one went after it I reached for my cup and dropped a dried dolphin in it.  I came home and sat in a fairy ring.

I had a quiet morning sitting on a crystal, sun light reflecting faces on the smiling walls.  I crawled on the race track in the afternoon and went to the High Noon shop in the evening - coming home with bullet holes in my paper handkerchief..

I was the chief of a long lost tribe, meeting the white man for the very first time - most wanted copies of their birth certificates.  I made a circle in the ground and then counted money in it.  The eternal serpent needed glasses and couldn't see its tail; I went out in the evening.

I was out all day, powdering my nose in a crows nest - the pirate ship came and went.  I came home with flowers in my hair.  I cast these down in front of the altar and played games on a paper drum while my wife was at work.

I made a cross out of rough planks of wood and then laid on it.  Several big black crows landed next to me.  I asked them a question.  I had plenty of time during the day to record my thoughts on a stone block.  I then went out to work, followed by more big black birds.  They asked me a question.

I left early in the morning, holding on tightly to a flying fish.  I had a long chat with the old fisherman  and came home by bus (which was at least this big).  Once back in the revolving restaurant I walked round in circles composing a song of the broken glass people and then went out for a glass of wine.

I went out along the litter patched road to the cloud shop (all types of clouds could be sold - some raining some not).  I pulled my head out after dark and swept myself home.  I had my meal of scraps and went to bed in a dustbin.

I had a quite morning in the quiet garden and then a loud afternoon in the very noisy streets.  After a static interlude I left my starfish home again to be a silent statue as the phantoms mill in and out.  I came home with a jet engine attached to my rear.

I had time to walk the endless carpet until the giant orange arrived - I didn't know until afterwards that I was followed by a number of minotaurs searching for Theseus.  After sitting in a blancmange for a while I pulled myself to the place of landing lights.  I waited all evening for a person to land on me.

I got up with strings attached to every limb - I danced a ramshackle dance.  I then curled up in a sea shell.  I heard the sea and ate my dinner on a glacier.  June went to work and I changed in to the wolfman again.  A vampire came to tea.

I sat in a reasonably big apple pie for most of the day.  Coming home balancing a cruet set on my shoulders. Not having to metamorphose into a butterfly during the night I was free to become Horace the Hedgehog.

I was King of the Pudding again during the day and later Queen of the Night.  Short pieces of straw stuck out of areas of bare flesh and I whistled country tunes I didn't know.  Ben pretended to hum some he did.  Several people entered dressed as alarm clocks.

June and I joined the navy after meeting the press gang at a Tupperware party.  We went to Portsmouth tied up in sacks and met the fairy people in the underwater arcade.  I sat down with a pickling jar over my head while June blew bubbles from both ends.

I had a day off from propping open the giant drooling jaw; the mouth closed and music was heard playing in the background.  Instead, I sat around in a bowl of water with flowers moving around like ocean liners being tugged to the quay.  I sounded my horn and I heard an echo in the far distant hills.

Out in a hay field all day, I could see the farmer in the distance as an oscillating blur.  I bailed up several people who were unfortunate enough to amble by.  I then designed a housing complex based on harvest mouse nests.  Unfortunately I had to go out in the evening to meet the farmer's daughter

I had an early start, taking the bed with me so I didn't have to get out of it too soon, and went to see a kindly old guinea pig (the friend of the pastry maker).  He gave me some pastries, each with a secret message inside.  When I got back I had to go to see the nurse about the extra head which was growing from my chest.

A day alone on the dinner plate I had built my house from.  I looked out of the tomato windows at the thin people who walked by - none waved.  I emitted sounds from my flying saucer head and drew pictures with my tentacled arms.

I had to go to the medieval market town - medieval people were seen milling round.  I spent all day among clones and copies.  I came home in several versions, almost all of whom dropped their keys and tripped on the door step.  June was out so I spoke to a paper facsimile.

I woke as the jig saw man.  It took me a little while for me to find all of my pieces, let alone put them together.  I had breakfast as a radiant sun then spent the rest of the day eclipsed.  The moon went to work and I searched in my bag for a long ladder.

I had to go to mice city (I kept away from any black cats).  Once in the humane trap I talked to the ladies who were hiding their letters - the men came in for something to wear - and kept all the children amused with my stories of the four winds of Greek mythology.

I left the embryo house to see the world; which I found in a small plastic jar with a translucent lid.  My wife, June, had temporarily changed into a stick like insect with pink wings.  I was amazed how in certain conditions I could see talking heads in her wing membranes.

I had a slow day in the Chinese lantern garden watching old time trains emerge from the ground like yellow faced IOUs. June spent  a large part of the day trying to rescue a vacuum cleaner from a giant spider's web - she ended up covered with fake twenty pound notes.

I had a pleasant day working on a water lily leaf, watching spectres go supersonic over the roof tops as I jumbled up messages from my inner self.  I paced myself all day then had to race out in steam powered car with Sterling Moss written on my underpants.

I was a trifle surprised when a crack appeared in my studio floor and little people made from chewed up strips of tabloid newspapers crawled out.  I pulled a cigarette lighter from my pocket as one of the little people offered me an ice lolly with Jean-Paul Marat written on it.

I spent the first part of the day selling coloured leaves in a deciduous tree shop before breaking off to launch a sailing ship with a routine dental examination.  I came back with a smile pasted to a hand sized mirror and a confidential message for Brighton Pier from the one at Shanklin.

I went out very early (even before the birds had picked up their song sheets) to find snippets of conversation in a bee hive.  I translated an armchair waggle dance into a treatise on the manipulation of woolly mammoth vertebra and the reading of ancient wallpaper stains to ascertain the current time.

A totally free day - which would have been even more pleasing if I hadn't had to spend it clinging to an iceberg who blamed me for the death of his ancestors during a collision with the Titanic.  I was eventually rescued by a polar bear who shared my interest in Twentieth Century Batman cards.

I had a day off from the mythology shop which specialised in selling nymphs.  I spent the time as a water feature in a manor house garden; when the water was turned off I was the subterranean fire god with smoke ring underpants.

My wife and I spread out like carpets in a Moorish palace, she weeded and I crept up on the hobgoblins who were playing strip poke on top of the bodies of their victims.  I put the prunings in a supermarket carrier, along with a receipt.

I had to go out to watch the construction of paper darts from family photographs - my face dart travelled well into the Saharan wilderness before the smile was rubbed off.  I flew a camel back to the island only to find on arrival that the island had gone away for its holidays.

I had a day alone to curl up on an A4 sheet of paper or paper-clip myself to a memo (you can guarantee that the memo would never be sent).  I thought up stories while balancing a stapler on my nose.  In one of the stories I raced myself and still came last.

I had to go to town early. I imagined myself as a smuggler and hid a moon sized wedge of cheese beneath the water as the young girls peered down - then the plug was pulled and I just sat there pretending to teach trigonometry to the sodden contents of my lunch box.

I went to a jungle village to find a word I had heard spoken in a dream.  I saw a number of young antelope wandering aimlessly around the fire and gave one the pair of binoculars I had received earlier as a thank you gift from the woodpecker king. Later someone knocked on the door.

I had to go to town with a three way ladder over my shoulder.  When stopped by representatives of the robot gorilla race I illustrated all the positions it could adopt as you climbed to the top.  I found a tree with cut throat razors hanging instead of ripe apples.

I left the dolly mixture house early in the morning and returned to the my liquorice allsort home very late in the evening.  In the interim I talked to the apostles of the thirteenth Jesus Christ - having missed all the followers of the twelfth when my Roman Chariot developed a flat tyre.

I spent most of the day in an oasis within a desert.  When I dragged myself away I had to lean on the giant heads in Easter Island until all the people returned.  I heard the banging of train carriage doors but didn't see anyone at all until the owner of a giant hand pulled it out of his giant pocket.

I had to go to plastic mac town and wait for the rain to form itself into a message which only children could read.  I poured the water from my shoe and counted the number of fairy shrimps floating in it.  I came home quite late with the faces of several people wrapped up inside my spectacle case.

I was supposed to find an ocean liner and make a window box from it.  I found the port but it had been taken over by a race of cognisant grand pianos and as I couldn't read music I returned with just a telescope.  The family of wrens were amused by how large they looked.

Out all day, I folded up my insect wings and covered them with plastic.  All the visitors to the shop had wallpaper paste smeared on their faces and we took turns to stick notices on them, some with scowls and some with smiles.  All this stopped when the chrysalis burst open.

I crawled to town with a chimpanzee playing a drum in the sandwich box June had given me before transforming herself into a box of matches.  I returned with my postage stamp collection still intact and a dolphin shaped guitar in my pocket.  It was Rosemary's birthday.

As the message on the mirror said, today was a cheese and pickle day.  I pulled the wrapping off the motorised hand but had to wait until I had come back before I could shake it.  I went to the toy chest to find the treasure map, found what I was having for dinner and left as a canary.